chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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