Do you still have your period?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
