I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
