Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
