Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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