I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
