He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
