i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize