ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
