i permit you to call me
she smelled like a LAN party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you had me at cake vodka
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
