Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
