"it" just moved
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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