So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want a musical about memes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
