i love accidental penises.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize