I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
