Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
