wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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