Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
