You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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