oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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