Cold hands, warm shart.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
