I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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