Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize