Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
