..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
whose parrot is this?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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