I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
