I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
