it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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