Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
