Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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