Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
