to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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