nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
