my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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