Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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