Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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