hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
