once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
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