I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
