I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
