I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
