my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
