I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
