Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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