Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
