Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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