We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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