a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize