Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
