I skipped work to stalk him.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
