I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
