using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
