Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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