ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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