In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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