It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
