i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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