so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
