i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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