Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
