I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
