I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
