Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
