how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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