he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
