Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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