hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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