My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
