Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
