we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
