Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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