coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
