ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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