it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
